Strangers in Paradise: How Families Adapt to Wealth Across Generations

James Grubman’s book has offered us a revolutionary way of looking at issues we have been dealing with for years. The concept he offers, that our wealth has taken us into new territory, has made us immigrants in a new land, resonates with us and offers us more clarity than we’ve had for assessing our lives and planning for our family’s future.Family stories were the foundations for many of our values and beliefs. We were fascinated and moved and proud as we heard about our immigrant grandparents, their convictions, thrift, hard work and perseverance in the face of adversity. We planned to model ourselves after them even though our lives were already filled with education and opportunities that they had never had. Five years into our marriage we found ourselves to be the financial beneficiaries of their labors and accomplishments. We were suddenly living in an entirely different landscape, different than our friends and neighbors, different than our parents; we were quite alone and wandering, without a map.Looking at ourselves as immigrants in a new land of wealth, “strangers in paradise,” is useful to us in reviewing and assessing choices that we’ve made, conflicts we’ve felt, directions we’ve taken in in light of our family stories and lessons. We can see how we’ve adapted to wealth, places where we’ve hit roadblocks, made mistakes, and found alternate routes to realize our intentions. This book helps us examine our lives with compassion, insight and humor. We’ve found it comforting and renewing to discover that we have clearly not been alone as we often thought we were.We are reading this book because we want to be as wise, clear and helpful as possible to our children as they are charting their own courses and have become parents themselves. We think that James Grubman’s book is a valuable guide for our work. And we will pass it on to them.

Dr. Grubman is a pioneer in the field of financial psychology and was the first person I called when I became interested in the field. He has worked for many years as a consultant to families and financial advisors and is a person for whom I have deep respect. He has taken the field of cross-cultural psychology and applied it to social class mobility issues. Changing social class is much more difficult than people think it will be when you are moving up. Becoming wealthy is often associated with a loss of community and friendships; becoming the target of envy,hostility,sales pitches and other's needs; being viewed as your wealth instead of as the person you are are; and fearing what wealth can do to your children. It is a major life transition like moving to a new country. This book has practical advice and an easily understood model for those who are coming into wealth. It is well written in a conversational style and gives practical advice for this transition. The book gives examples of families going through changes and how they cope or do not cope with the change. Some families lose their values and traditions or hide in secrecy and some successfully integrate the best of the old life with the new life. Families, advisors, and mental health professionals will find this book useful as they work with the issues of becoming newly wealthy, a change that many naively believe should only be easy.

This book is a truly unique take on how families cope with wealth, using the paradigm of how immigrants to a new country assimilate. I found it to be a quick read. I have shared it with family members. The reason I'm giving it 4 instead of 5 stars is that at times it seems repetitive. Nonetheless, the author provides fascinating examples to illustrate the different approaches family adopt when it comes to acquiring money.

The book can seem repetitious as he provides examples and amplifies their consequences. I liked the way he related becoming wealthy to learning a new cultural outlook. The fact is that as you acquire wealth you have to learn new ways of behaving in order to successfully preserve and grow your newly acquired resources. The poor, the middle class and the wealthy all see the purpose of money differently.

I’ve read many books along these lines, most of which have helpful tidbits. However, this book has made me question (in a good way) some of my core approaches and will serve as a great conversation-starting resource for my wife and I as we navigate this path. I’d highly recommend this, especially for G1s with young kids.

Excellent description of what happens when you change economic classes and how that can be stressful.

This has been a useful book to help understand how to manage a family business and the wealth it can generate. As a G2, I related to the integrated strategy and the stories of Phil Spinelli. I also have seen the other more negative ways people can approach gaining wealth. Usually with a lack of wanting to educate oneself to understand. This unfortunately is a close to home experience with my brother. My only hope is that I can continue to work to persuade my brother to follow the path that enables long term viability for his family.

While our family intuition has implemented a number of the recommendations, we never had confidence in them. Now we do and we can organize them better also.

After having read dozens and dozens of personal finance books in my journey, this is the first book I have read that speaks to the unspoken challenges many newly wealthy families face.Thank you for writing this book. It will change people’s lives for the better.

Focus for extreme rich people

The book likens the “Land of Wealth” to immigration and draws out tired old cliches about immigration and cultural integration in the most boring and uninspired ways. And, rather than about truly adjusting to wealth culture, it’s yet another book about keeping your wealth for more than 3 generations in order to beat the poorly formulated statistic about most wealth not making it past 3 generations.

I liked this book so much that I have ordered more copies to give as gifts to friends. If you are trying to understand the potential impact of wealth on new recipients this is a great read. It compares the journey of dealing with newly received/created wealth with that of a migrant to a new country. A great help to recent and future recipients of wealth and their advisors in understanding it's impact. I found myself nodding at James Grubman's observations frequently. It is an easy read and the case studies helped understand some of the pitfalls , excellent!

A must-read for families in search of wisdom for long term success. It is the most insightful book on wealth psychology and family dynamics that I have read so far. I would recommend it to 1) well-to-do parents who are struggling to understand their teenagers, 2) second generation young adults who are seeking to grow out of their parents' shadows, and 3) truly client-centered wealth management / family business professionals.Dr. Grubman did a fabulous job dissecting a complex and sensitive topic. I especially enjoyed the anecdotal stories of three families' different approach to managing wealth.Amazing, eye-opening read!